


On Your Left

by wintersoldier1989



Category: Actor RPF, Evanstan - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF
Genre: Accidents, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Injury Recovery, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-01
Updated: 2020-01-01
Packaged: 2021-02-27 07:27:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22023331
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wintersoldier1989/pseuds/wintersoldier1989
Summary: Sebastian and Chris have hidden their relationship for years but an accident turns everything upside down.
Relationships: Chris Evans & Sebastian Stan, Chris Evans/Sebastian Stan
Comments: 19
Kudos: 264





	On Your Left

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is was a Tumblr request, I obviously took some liberties but hope it fits the bill.
> 
> _Do you know about someone who's willing to write a very angsty evanstan fic in which seb has an accident and he obviously is really in bad shape at hospital, maybe in coma I dont know and chris is there all the time, Mackie too because they're all besties and chris is told he can't go in to see him because only family can do that so he tells them and the world that they're actually married but they did it in secret to protect their careers, like I want something really dramatic, thank you_
> 
> _Wait, maybe chris is actually there at the moment of the accident, like maybe they were travelling somewhere in different cars so when the ambulance is about to take seb chris says something like “I wanna go with him” and he’s told he can’t, only family and that’s when he says “he’s my husband” jeez I’m really craving a dramatic fic like that, super angsty with happy ending of course (2/2)_

Chris’ eyes roll back, regretfully tearing themselves away from the sight of Sebastian working him over with both his mouth and fist wrapped around his cock. Chris whimpers at the intense pleasure Seb is giving him, they way he moves in an unrelenting and super-satisfying rhythm. 

Sebastian knows what he’s doing, no doubt, but what he wants is to hear his husband make _that_ sound. The one that makes his own cock jerk in response. So Sebastian doubles down teasing Chris until he hears what he wants, pulling firm on the upstroke while his tongue plays skillfully with the tip, just how he knows Chris likes.

Chris has no complaints about Sebastian’s unprompted wakeup call, in fact he’s currently trying to think of ways to convince his husband to wake him up like this everyday. His dick twitches when he sees just how wet and swollen Seb’s lips are as they slide over him again and Sebastian moans around him, sending another round of tingles down his spine. 

“Get up, here. I wanna fuck you.” Chris urges Sebastian, tugging him off his dick by the forearms until Seb’s are knees splayed on either side of Chris’ hips, his weight resting on his palms that are pressed against Chris’ chest.

Sebastian leans in for a kiss and Chris savours just how good Sebastian tastes, so good that he doesn’t ever want to stop. Chris can feel Seb’s thick erection against his own spit-slick cock and he can’t wait to get his hands on it. Or mouth, because at this point he really isn’t going to be picky. 

Chris cups the back of Seb’s thighs, urging him further up his body so he can get a mouthful of Seb’s beautiful cock, but instead Sebastian stays rooted in place, not at all in a rush to abandon the task at hand, slowly and methodically rubbing his thumbs over Chris’ sensitive nipples.

“Mmmm, that feels nice,” Chris mumbles at the sensation, his dick once again jerking in agreement. Sebastian seems content to move at a glacial place, dragging out the anticipation by bringing his thumb to Chris’ mouth for some added lubrication. Chris opens his mouth eager to comply, his breath hitches when Seb runs the pad of his thumb over the perfect pink of Chris’ bottom lip.

“Yeah?” Sebastian asks him, returning to his task, tracing the outline of Chris’ nipple with the concentration of a skilled surgeon. He can tell Chris is growing restless, taking note of the way Chris’ belly is glistening with pre-cum.

Sebastian takes immense pleasure watching the way Chris’ pupils dilate when he finally scoots himself up Chris’ solid frame just enough for his ass cheeks to perfectly cradle the impressive length of Chris’ cock.

“How’s that?” Seb asks, his hips beginning to rut gently, but not nearly enough. They both groan at just how good it feels.

Chris extends one hand to rest just above Sebastian’s hips, giving himself a bit more leverage to thrust closer, deeper. His other hand wanders to Seb’s middle, where it wraps around Seb’s own eager erection, leaking pearly white drops of sweetness that Chris is longing to taste.

Circling his thumb around Seb’s cockhead, he collects as much pre-cum as he can. Sebastian mutters a laboured _Fuck,_ as he watches Chris lift it up to his mouth, his tongue peeking out just far enough to lick it all up. 

Before Chris can respond with a playful taunt of any kind, Sebastian is up and off of him, angling to get to the nightstand and grab the half-empty bottle of lube. 

“How do you want me?” Sebastian asks, popping the top of the bottle, no longer interested in dragging this out. He wants Chris buried inside of him and pronto. When Chris doesn’t answer, Sebastian looks up from where he’s about to squirt a generous helping of lube in his palm. Chris is shooting him a pointed _Don’t you dare_ look.

“What?” Sebastian exclaims, giving his husband the innocent doe-eyes that work everytime.

“That’s my favourite part,” Chris replies with an air of faux-offence. But non-jokingly, he steals the bottle from Seb and with a swift maneuver has them trading places on the bed.

Sebastian really doesn’t mind, having had his fun teasing Chris. Whatever gets Chris inside of him faster is what he’s going to do. He sinks his front into the warm blankets, inhaling the minty scent of Chris’ shampoo that lingers on the pillows. 

“Knees up, sweetheart.” Chris says and Sebastian complies without any argument. Up on all fours, he turns his head looking over his shoulder, making sure he doesn’t miss _his_ favouritepart _._

***

The smell of sweat and sex lingers in the bedsheets, as they lie in comfortable quiet. Sebastian is draped across Chris, head resting on his husband’s bare chest. Their minds are hazy and their bodies are still running warm from all of the good sex.

It’d be a convenient excuse to blame their newlywed status on the fact that they can’t get enough of one another, but it has always been this way. The intoxicating, all-consuming need to be together in every way, almost as if they were making up for lost time.

If Chris hadn’t been purposefully listening to the gentle rise and fall of Sebastian’s breath and how it perfectly kept time with his own, he might’ve missed the mumble of words he felt against his skin.

_Don’t wanna leave tomorrow._

Chris’ hand stills where it’s currently busy playing with Sebastian’s short hair. Normally he prefers it when the strands are a bit longer, just enough to thread his fingers through and take hold, tugging it with enough force to elicit the most obscene noises from the man laying on top of him. 

He lowers his grip to Sebastian’s trim waist and rolls him onto his back so that he’s able to get a good look at him. All it takes is an almost undetectable tremble in Sebastian’s words instantly to engage Chris’ protective side. 

Chris’ weight rests on his forearm and he notices the way Sebastian’s gaze is no longer blissed out from the release of his numerous orgasms. Instead of the adorable dick drunk smile he’s used to, he finds a dark and stormy expression in Seb's eyes. Chris suspects that despite Sebastian’s valiant effort to appear unaffected, with each hour that passes. bringing closer with it his imminent departure, he’s struggling to contain his nerves. 

Chris leans in even closer to give his husband a kiss. A gesture meant to soothe and distract, quickly has Sebastian’s back arching off the bed, begging for more. Eagerly as desperate to give Sebastian whatever he needs, Chris indulges him. When they’re both breathless once again, Chris breaks the kiss and reassesses Sebastian’s state of mind. 

“I know, sweetheart. I don’t want you to leave either, but I promise to come and visit. I’ll be back on the east coast as soon as I’m done with the premiere.” He cups Sebastian’s chin and brushes his cheek tenderly with his thumb.

Sebastian knows it’s silly to feel this way and he can’t help but feel bad for the self-indulgent pity party. It goes without saying that Chris would much rather have a seat booked next to him on the flight to Georgia instead of the never-ending days of monotonous press junkets that await him here in LA. Sebastian knows full well that Chris hates that part of his job, but he grins and bears it much like he does.

He’s also fully aware of the fact that work commitments will forever be a hindrance to their quality time together. Normally he’s capable of rationalizing the fact that time apart is what comes with the territory. But today, laying in Chris’ arms with Dodger softly snoozing in his favourite sunny spot in the living room; the anxious butterflies have him reliving what it felt like to be a kid leaving for summer camp all over again.

“I’m just going to miss you is all,” he admits, peering up into Chris’ bright baby blues. There’s more he wants to say but he doesn’t, instead he just closes his eyes and thinks about how much he wishes that they could be done with all the secrecy. They’re married for fuck’s sake, but because Sebastian is still locked into his Marvel contract, he and Chris, along with the few privileged members of his team, had decided it wasn’t the best time to go public. 

Chris doesn’t like the distress he sees creeping into his husband’s expression. He presses a chaste kiss to Seb’s pout, one that seems to sufficiently divert his attention and then trails a lone finger down Sebastian’s chest, his hand stopping when it reaches its destination. He hooks it through the silver ring threaded on a simple chain, circling it lazily with his thumb. Sebastian’s gaze intently watches every move while Chris carefully inspects the unassuming treasure that means more to both of them than anything else they own.

“I’m with you. Right here.” Chris says resolutely as he clasps and squeezes the ring tightly in his hold, trying as best as he can to magically pour all of his love for Sebastian into the precious metal. “Always.”

All Sebastian can manage is a slow nod as tears start to trickle slowly down his cheeks. He wraps his hand around the matching wedding band dangling from Chris’ neck, the simple silver band chiming against the St. Christopher’s pendant it hangs next to. 

Feeling overwhelmed by all the emotions running through him, Sebastian is unable to coherently put his feelings into words, so instead he tugs on the chain, pulling Chris in close to him and wordlessly renews his own vows of forever with a kiss.

***

Sebastian is sitting in his first class seat and the flight attendants are busy giving the safety spiel. As a nervous flyer, typically he would be listening attentively in order to commit the emergency measures to memory but today his mind is drifting elsewhere. 

“Someone’s happy,” the elderly lady in the seat next to him says. He’d helped her stow her carry-on into the overhead compartment, so it figures she’s taken that an opportunity to chat, though her eyes barely look up from whatever she’s knitting.

Sebastian looks over to her, puzzled by her comment nonetheless. Though now that she’s drawn his attention to it, he can feel just how big his smile has stretched while thinking about his husband. Chris had calmed his worries last night. He’d taken Sebastian again, but instead of teasing and playful, Chris had been slow and careful, making love to every inch of Sebastian making sure that in his absence there is never any festering doubt.

“That’s the look of a man in love,” she says, nodding in his direction. 

“Yeah, I guess you could say that.” Sebastian replies, resigning himself to the reality that he really shouldn’t be surprised how people always seem to read him like a book. Chris is always reminding him that it’s his incredible expressiveness that makes him such a good actor, though Sebastian can’t help being annoyed that he can’t hide any emotion he’s feeling, _ever._

It’s true. Sebastian’s happy _and_ he’s in love. He’s got the world in the palm of his hand; a recurring role in a multi-billion dollar franchise, a starring role on a very anticipated streaming series, more scripts than he can reasonably ever read and to top it all off, the most gorgeous and loving husband.

The lady’s kind blue eyes, eyes that remind him a lot of Chris’, hold his gaze but to her credit she doesn’t press for more information, instead quietly waiting to see if Sebastian is willing to share. 

“Caught me; was just thinking about my partner,” Sebastian admits with a nervous smile. 

A pit forms in his stomach as soon as he says it.

His seatmate must see the way regret fills his features because she’s eager to reassure.

“I thought so, it’s not hard to notice the sparkle in your eyes. Can’t say I’m surprised that there’s a special someone responsible for it.”

“Yeah,” Sebastian’s anxiety eases and he smiles, adding in a playful roll of his eyes. “He’s special alright.”

She laughs at his theatrics. “I’ve got one at home too,” she sympathizes. “Complete pain in my ass, but wouldn’t trade him for anything in the world.”

Sebastian lets out a full-out belly laugh at the perfect description.

The rest of the flight is uneventful, Sebastian even manages to catch up on some much-needed sleep seeing as Chris had kept him up most of the night, though he has absolutely zero complaints.

And while for the most part he’s feeling much better, it’s while he’s waiting for his luggage at baggage claim that Sebastian feels the slight sting of envy of the public display of affections of couples reuniting all around him. Even watching his seatmate give her much-adored, pain-in-the-ass husband a quick peck on the lips, feels like a stab to his heart. 

Sebastian looks away and carefully tucks his wedding ring on its chain under his t-shirt; because while on paper he may have it all, for reasons beyond his control, he can never have _that_.

***

“Hey, sweetheart. How’d it go today? Mackie didn’t get you into too much trouble did he?” Chris asks, greeting his husband over a FaceTime call. It’s only early evening on the West Coast but he’s been waiting all day to talk to Sebastian.

“It was good, just did some final costume fittings and tomorrow is the table read.”

“Any pictures to send my way?” Chris asks with a smirk. “You know I love how you look in all that tactical gear.” 

“You wish, Evans. You want the goods, you have to come get ‘em.” Sebastian sasses back to his husband. Just saying the words aloud, has him wishing Chris was there. They could unwind with a cold beer and maybe a blow job. _Who’s he kidding?_ There would definitely be a blow job.

“Bet it’s good to see everyone again,” Chris enthuses, ever the optimist.

“It’s definitely not the same without you.” Sebastian admits, the words just tumbling out. “There’s a lot of great people, but it’s still gonna be awhile before we find our groove. I just hope this isn’t a _Saved by the Bell : The College Years_ situation,where everyone wishes we’d left well enough alone. _”_

Chris sighs on the other end of the line, it kills him when Sebastian is overwhelmed with self-doubt. His husband is comfortable playing the supporting role, but Chris wants Sebastian to see himself how he does, an amazing actor who deserves everything he’s worked so hard for. 

“Give yourself some credit, sweetheart. You and Mackie are the ones that made this show possible. You’re the ones that had the fans asking for it. All you can do is give it your all and I know they’re gonna love it.”

Sebastian contemplates Chris’ words for a moment, just the sound of Chris’ steady, rhythmic breathing over line has Sebastian’s anxiety easing. And to no one’s surprise, his husband’s piercing blue eyes have other body parts stirring too. He just wishes it was as easy for him to believe in himself as it is for Chris to believe in him.

“Feel better?” Chris asks his husband.

“Yeah, a little,” Seb says with a resigned huff.

“That’s a start. Now go get some beauty sleep and dream about all the dirty things I’m going to do to you when I come to visit.”

***

Chris toys with his third cup of coffee, fingers lazily circling the lip of the cup while he waits for the next interview.

Press days are long, he tries his best to plaster on his biggest grin and answer all the questions as best he can, but there’s a limit to how many times he can answer the same question over and over before his mind starts to wander.

He checks his phone to see if he has any messages. Just one from his agent about a script being sent over to the house but nothing from the person he wants to hear from most.

Sebastian calls Chris every night to ask about his day and recount all the hilarious antics he’s been up to. And even though it’s still too early to be expecting his call, Chris smiles just thinking about all the on-set fun Sebastian has been telling him about every night. Just for a moment he lets himself miss being a part of the little Cap family, of which he’d once been an integral member. But regardless of his own feelings, he’s just glad that Sebastian seems to have finally found his groove again. 

Chris is anxious to wrap for the day, he’s got a 4pm flight out of LAX and a secret plan to surprise Sebastian since he managed to reschedule some meetings to get the weekend off before the movie premiere on Tuesday. He shoots off a quick and _slightly_ dirty text to Sebastian before slipping his phone back in his pocket. He smiles at the thought of Sebastian’s inevitable blush when gets the message, having no idea that Chris has every intent on making good on it in just a few hours.

***

Ever since his talk with Chris, Sebastian’s been able to relax a little more and really take in this new experience. As much as he misses Chris, with his good friend Mackie around, he isn’t finding it too difficult to enjoy being back at work in the Marvel bubble.

“Nice work, Seabass.” Mackie says throwing an arm around Sebastian’s shoulder as they both head off set. “Ready for some chow? I’m _starving._ ”

“Thanks,” Seb blushes, never quite comfortable accepting a compliment about his performance. Mackie’s already steering them towards craft services when he finally agrees, “Yeah, I could eat,” acknowledging the grumble in his belly. 

With the buffet in sight, Mackie quickly makes his way over, abandoning Sebastian who has stopped to check his messages. 

Mackie is in the midst of piling a third heap of guacamole onto his burrito bowl when he looks back to see what’s taking his friend so long.

He turns just in time to see Sebastian cradling his phone, cheeks flaming pink and his bottom lip tucked between his teeth.

“Who’s got those steel blues shining extra bright today?” Mackie asks, chronically unable to mind his own business. Not that he would even if he wanted to. “Also fair warning, if you don’t hurry up and grab some grub, there won’t be anything left for you to eat. Your boy is _hungry._ ”

Sebastian coughs awkwardly and drops his phone to his side. “Uh, it’s just Evans. He saw our instagram story and wanted to wish us luck.”

“Evans, huh?” Mackie asks with a quirked brow. He waits a beat, intrigued to see if his friend is planning to elaborate. But when all that meets his ears is nervous silence, he decides to give Sebastian a break. “I didn’t know he had Instagram.”

“Not a public account, just a personal one.” Sebastian explains.

“Hmmm,” his friend replies. “Looks like Evans be keepin' secrets again.”

Mackie watches as Seb’s cheeks flame an ungodly shade of red and he’s pretty sure Sebastian has stopped breathing. Throwing his friend a lifeline he muses, “Well tell him I say hi, and that I’m keeping the shield nice and safe and warm.”

A rush of hot air escapes Sebastian in huffed laughter, “Yeah, yeah, for sure! Will do!”

Sebastian’s high-pitched reply has Mackie feeling bad for yanking his chain. In order to save his friend any further embarrassment, he simply nods and turns his attention back to his burrito bowl where he begins to precariously stack tortilla chips atop the guacamole mountain. 

Sebastian takes a couple deep breaths trying to slow his racing heart. He’s pretty sure Mackie isn’t totally dense, especially since his reaction was anything but smooth, but Sebastian appreciates that Mackie drops it. Pocketing his phone, Sebastian grabs a bowl and busies himself with the convenient distraction of making his lunch.

“You eating for two there?” Sebastian asks Mackie, eager to quickly steer the conversation safely away from anything to do with Chris.

“Just fueling up for the afternoon, need all the superfoods I can get for my superhero performance.” Mackie says, like it makes complete sense. He reaches for the serving spoon and plops a generous helping of guacamole on Sebastian’s plate. “Here’s a little extra for you, Seabass. You might’ve been able to go toe to toe with Evans, but you’re gonna need it if you even wanna try to keep up with Denzel during the chase scene.”

Sebastian laughs at his friend, his eyes crinkling the way they do when he finds something truly funny. He takes the spoon from Mackie adding just a little more for effect.

“I see how it is, you’re on, _Denzel._ You’re on.”

_***_

Chris tosses his carry-on into the backseat of his rental SUV. He’s busy trying to figure out how to sync his 80’s rock playlist with the car’s sound system when Sebastian’s face pops up his screen. Chris smiles at the cheesy candid picture he’d snapped of Seb at the Cape and answers the call. “Hey babe, you already done for the day?”

He’d been hoping to make it to Seb’s rental property before his husband was done for the day, but Chris figures Seb will still be surprised when he shows up on his doorstep.

“Evans?” A voice that does not belong to Sebastian says over the phone. Chris is so taken aback that he’s unable to place it before the person speaks again.

“It’s Mackie.” 

“Mackie?” Chris asks feeling a bit confused. “What’s up man? How’s the show?” He asks his friend while still trying to piece together why his friend would be calling from his husband’s phone. 

A horn blares from somewhere behind him but Chris doesn't pay it any attention.

“Are you driving?” Mackie asks him. “Because if you are, I’m gonna need you to pull over. We’ve got a situation.”

“I’m not driving,” Chris answers matter of factly. “It was just someone in the parking lot,” he begins to needlessly explain before his brow furrows when he finally processes all of what Mackie has said. “What do you mean a _situation_?”

He hears his friend inhale a tight breath, which immediately has Chris’ anxiety spiking.

“It’s Seb, man.”

“Mackie, what’s going on?” Chris manages to ask even though his chest already feels like an elephant is sitting on it. “Why are you calling me on Seb’s phone?” He’s hoping there is an innocent explanation for all of this, some sort of prank. But the knuckles on his left hand are white from the death grip he’s got on the leather steering wheel.

“There was an accident.” 

A sudden disorienting rush of blood is pounding in Chris’ ears. 

“ _What the fuck?”_

He must say it aloud because Mackie answers him.

“His harness malfunctioned and it pulled him off the bike during the chase scene. He hit the ground pretty hard; I’m pretty sure he blacked out for a second and then he couldn’t get up.”

_Sebastian. Blacked out. Couldn’t get up._

Chris can’t breathe. He’s struggling to process anything right now. 

“I grabbed his phone to call his family _,_ and I thought…” Mackie trailed off. “And well I thought you’d want to know.”

Chris doesn’t even realize that Mackie just copped to knowing about him and Sebastian. Chris’ body is so jacked up on adrenaline, he takes a dozen or so deep breaths before he’s able to even think.

“Chris?” Mackie prompts. And the oddity of hearing Mackie call him anything other than _Evans_ snaps him out of his own head.

“Where?”He manages to force out another single syllable. 

“Atlanta General,” Mackie answers. “I’m on my way to the hospital now, I’ll call you with an update as soon as I get there. Where are you?”

“I’m in Atlanta, at the airport.” Chris croaks. “I’ll meet you there.”

“Evans?” 

“Yeah?” He chokes out in a voice no louder than a whisper.

“Whatever happens, it’s going to be okay.”

Chris knows Mackie is just trying to be supportive, but they both know if anything happens to Sebastian, nothing will be okay ever again. 

***

The next hour is the longest of Chris’ life. He’s stuck in traffic, eyes glued to his phone, looking to see if Mackie has sent him any updates. When he finally arrives at the hospital he throws in the SUV into park, not giving a single fuck about the fact that he’s parked in a loading zone.

He barrels towards the triage desk with about as much grace as a bull in a china shop.

“Can I help you?” A young blonde nurse asks him.

“Uh yeah, I’m here to see…,” Chris’ phone lights up with a message from Mackie.

_Fourth Floor._

“Wait a minute! You’re _Chris Evans_ ,” she interrupts, recognizing him.

Chris doesn’t even bother to acknowledge her comment before he’s jogging towards the elevators desperate to go find Sebastian.

***

“Evans!” Mackie calls over, getting up from the waiting room chair, where he’s been sitting with a small group producers, when he sees Chris frantically looking around for him. 

“Where is he?” Chris asks sounding uncharacteristically out of breath for someone so in shape.

“They wouldn’t tell me anything other than that he’s stable.” Mackie tells him. “One of the producers said something about emergency surgery but that’s as much information as I could get.” 

“Fuck!” Chris curses at the lack of any truly useful details. He’s beginning to boil over with a toxic combination of anxiety and frustration. The adrenaline surging through him is making him buzz like a live wire and he knows that feeling isn’t going to go away until he sees Sebastian for himself.

Completely oblivious to the curious gazes of the producers in the waiting room, Chris turns away from Mackie and makes his way to the nurses’ station.

“I’m here to see Sebastian Stan,” Chris tells the on-duty nurse; his bright blue eyes burning her with their intensity, hoping for once in his goddamn life he gets recognized.

She looks up from the paperwork she's tending to, looking less than pleased with his interruption.

“I’m sorry, sir. But the patient in question has restricted access.” 

“Surely you can make an exception,” Chris protests, albeit politely; biting back the rush of emotions coursing through him knowing this unsuspecting woman holds his fate in her hands, so he flashes one of his signature smiles for good measure. 

_Everyone’s helpless against you. It’s not fair that you just walk around attacking people with your handsome face like that. Mere mortals don’t stand a chance against the charm of Chris Evans._

The smile almost becomes genuine when he thinks about how much shit Seb would give him for using his celebrity to circumvent the rules. But he also knows that if roles were reversed, Sebastian wouldn’t hesitate to do the same for him.

If the nurse recognizes him, she doesn’t show it. 

“Here’s his phone,” Mackie says coming up behind him, passing him Seb’s cell. “I’ve been trying to reach his mom, but there’s no answer.” 

“She’s in Europe,” Chris explains fighting back the urge to either punch a wall or throw up. The pit in his stomach keeps growing and knowing he’s going to have to be the one to tell Sebastian’s mother that her son has had a terrible accident, isn't helping matters any. 

He thinks he hears Mackie try his hand at reasoning with the nurse, but it’s hard to tell with the way every ounce of blood in his body is suddenly throbbing in his ears. Chris is pretty sure Mackie says something along the lines of _We’re his friends, all he’s got in town. Is there anyone else we can talk to, darlin’?_

Chris wishes he could pop a Xanax. Even more, he’d love to be able to wash it down with one of the little bottles he’d declined back on the plane. He can feel his anxiety begin to consume him; taking him to that place where the edges of reality start to blur and his mind starts to fill with worst-case scenarios.

“Is there a problem here?” A man in a suit asks approaching the desk, hopefully someone with more authority who can get him on the other side of those doors.

Chris tries to answer but all that comes out of his mouth is a pathetic sound of distress. 

“We’re just trying to get some information about our friend,” Mackie offers, trying to keep things calm and prevent things from escalating.

“Unfortunately, our policy is immediate family only.”

He knows that he and Sebastian have reasons for keeping their relationship a secret. But being here in this hospital, with a multitude of catastrophic possibilities running through his mind; Chris knows that nothing, not even the potentially irreparable damage to their careers, is worth keeping him from being at his husband’s side a minute longer.

“I _am_ his family,” Chris asserts, consequences be damned.

“I know, man. I know.” Mackie empathetically consoles his friend. “We’re all Seb’s family.”

Mackie moves closer, gently squeezing Chris’ shoulders in an attempt to comfort his friend. “It’s okay man, we’ll figure something out.”

Chris shakes his head, desperate to dispel the confusion he’s created. He looks to the guy in the suit and says the words he’s never dared to speak in public. “We’re married. Sebastian Stan is my _husband_.”

Chris’ heart is beating a million miles a minute and his palms are beginning to sweat, now that he’s spilled the beans for lack of a better expression. 

“You and Seabass tied the knot?” Mackie falters, eyes as wide as saucers.

“Yeah,” Chris says, the word coming out semi-strangled. He looks down, away from the shocked expressions on the faces of the producers standing close by, panicked tears of relief threatening to spill.

“Well hell Evans, we can work with that.” Mackie says, shock still in his voice as he throws an arm around Chris’ broad shoulder and gives it a reassuring pat. “Let’s get you to your boy.”

***

Chris is finally sitting at Sebastian’s bedside, positioned on his husband’s left in a less than comfortable chair. He hasn’t let go of Seb’s hand since the orderly brought him back from the recovery room. The quiet is oddly eerie but Chris listens intently to each of Sebastian’s breaths instead of the rhythmic beeps of the machines.

It had taken more time than Chris would’ve liked but with Mackie’s help along with the producers’ connections, he was able to provide the necessary documentation to finally get him through the elusive double doors and closer to Sebastian. 

He’d also been naive to think that the tightness in his chest would ease once he’d been granted access into the restricted area. With Sebastian still in surgery, Chris was doing his best to try and keep calm. Though, it’d been his mom who had finally been able to talk him off the ledge when he’d called her. 

The doctor had already been by to inform Chris that the surgery had gone well and Sebastian was expected to make a full recovery and with that, he’d been able to take the first deep breath since he’d received Mackie’s call hours ago.

‘Brought you a coffee,” Mackie says walking through the door with two extra large cups. “I know you get jumpy when you haven’t had your caffeine fix.”

Chris smiles lamely at the joke, but gratefully accepts the cup nonetheless with his free hand. “Yeah I guess I have been a little worked up today.”

“With good reason,” Mackie tells him. “I’ll be in the waiting room if you need me,” he says, heading for the door.

“You can stay,” Chris calls after him. “You’re his friend. He’d want you here.”

“You sure?” 

“Of course,” Chris confirms. “Seb’s really lucky to have you.”

“He’s lucky to have you too, Evans. And while you two didn’t exactly have us all fooled, I’m just glad that you guys finally did something about it.”

Mackie circles around Sebastian’s hospital bed and takes up residence on the right side, opposite Chris. He takes a sip of his lukewarm and slightly bitter coffee, grinning big.

“So tell me how this happened,” he waves a hand between Chris and Sebastian who is still sleeping soundly between them. “And don’t you dare leave out any of the juicy details.”

***

He hears familiar voices, but they’re distant. His brain feels heavy, kinda of like he’s drunk from a really good nap.

Sebastian focuses all his energy on trying to open his eyes. He immediately squints them closed again when his senses are assaulted by an offensive brightness.

“Hi sweetheart,” Chris cooes gently, leaning forward and pushing the matted hair of Seb’s bangs out of his face and cups his cheek. He keeps his movements slow not wanting to risk spooking a disoriented Sebastian. His husband’s lashes flutter open, slower this time, giving himself a moment to adjust to the bright light.

“ _Chris?_ ” Sebastian croaks, his throat raw and sore and not in the good way, like after a great blow job. “Why’re you here? You’re supposed to be in LA.”

“Your boy came to surprise you,” another familiar voices interjects from his other side.

Sebastian struggles to turn his head but eventually succeeds. _“Mackie?_ ”

“Hey there, Seabass,” Mackie greets but the words don’t hold his usual enthusiasm. “You gave us quite a scare.”

Sebastian closes his eyes trying to remember what happened to cause him to be lying in a hospital bed. Flashes of memories are there, but they feel like random pieces to an unsolved jigsaw puzzle.

“That’s an understatement,” Chris agrees. “But all that matters is you’re awake and in one piece."

“I hear you’ve been keeping secrets from me, Seabass.” Mackie chastises playfully, keeping the mood light. “Evans here has informed me that congratulations are in order.” 

Sebastian brow pinches in confusion, but it doesn’t help that the harsh fluorescent light of the hospital room is starting to give him a headache. A muttered, “Huh?” Is all he can manage.

“Your boy has officially announced your nuptials,” Mackie tells Sebastian his smile widening into a toothy grin. “Don’t worry though, I’ll still throw you both a bachelor party when you’re back on your feet.”

***

The doctor had come by again to do his post-op check on Sebastian. Squeezing Seb’s hand almost too tight, Chris hadn’t been able to hold back from cringing when the surgeon had recounted just how lucky Sebastian was that they’d been able to relieve the pressure caused by a severely herniated disk and not risk any permanent damage. 

Sebastian had tried his best to follow along with the post-op recovery orders, but he knew Chris was paying close enough attention for the both of them. 

“You hear that?” Chris asks him when it’s just the two of them left in the hospital room. “Rest and recuperation, no strenuous activities. Doctor’s orders.”

“Got it,” Sebastian mumbles, though the glassy look in his grey-blue eyes reminds Chris that he’s still coming down from the anesthetic.

“Get some rest, love.” Chris tells Sebastian, thumbing his soft cheek; he’s happy to see that Seb’s complexion has already regained some of its signature pink flush. He watches lovingly as his husband’s heavy-lidded eyes close.

***

They’re in Chris’ rental SUV, and thankfully Mackie had traded a couple of photos and autographs in order to prevent it from being towed. Now, they're on their way to Sebastian’s rental house.

Sebastian is already feeling better now that he’s out of that damned scratchy hospital gown. He’s fiddling with the cuff of the soft blue crewneck that’s a little too big through the shoulders, not-so-inconspicuously bringing the cuff up to his nose, enjoying the way it perfectly smells like Chris. 

“Where’s my ring?” Sebastian asks suddenly breaking the quiet in the car. Chris had even forgone his 80’s jams out of fear that it would aggravate the after-effects of Seb’s concussion.

Chris’ eyes dart from the road over to his husband, whose hands are now frantically patting his chest, lifting the collar of Chris’ sweatshirt searching for his missing chain.

“They cut it off during surgery,” Chris informs Seb. “But don’t worry, sweetheart. I’ve been keeping it safe for you.”

Chris slips Sebastian’s ring off of his right hand where it’s been for safekeeping. He lifts the silver band to his lips, giving it a kiss before passing it over so Sebastian can put it back in its rightful place on his left hand.

***

Production had been suspended due to Sebastian’s injury and he felt more than a little bad about it. Chris was quick to remind him that he needed time to let his body heal. That his health was more important than reworking people’s schedules but Sebastian wasn’t so sure. The first couple weeks of his recovery had gone by rather quickly, with each of their mothers ascending upon their temporary Georgia residence not long after Chris and Sebastian had settled in themselves. 

The house is quiet with just the two of them. Sebastian is surprised to find himself missing Dodger, who is back in LA with Scott. Sebastian sits alone, perched in one of the large plush armchairs facing the expansive bay window, in the same spot he’s been for weeks, with nothing more to do than watch the leaves change colour and way too much time to think.

“Here’s your tea,” Chris walks into the living room and passes him a mug. Sebastian inhales the steam, his nose scrunching at the medicinal scent. He’s been banned from his usual espresso consumption until his headaches lessen and with Chris as his extremely dutiful nurse, there hasn’t been even an inch of wiggle room. Chris had his manager cancel all of his work commitments on an account of a family emergency, and while Sebastian would normally love having all this time together with his husband, he’s not fond of the circumstances that have led them here.

“Thanks,” Seb says taking the tea, even though he doesn’t plan on drinking it.

“Something on your mind?” Chris asks, noting the pensive expression on his husband’s face. He’s noticed it a lot recently, but every time he asks about it, Sebastian dismisses it.

Seb gives his head a shake, trying once again to brush off Chris’ inquiry. “Nah, I’m good.” 

Chris shoots him a knowing look that says _Sure, whatever you say,_ but to his credit, he doesn’t say it. Instead Chris motions for Seb to scoot over making some space for him to squeeze in next to him.

Sebastian can physically feel how hard Chris is fighting back the urge to ask him what’s bothering him. And for fuck’s sake, he wishes he knew the answer. Aside from his ‘rigorous’ physical therapy schedule, Sebastian feels like all he’s done is try to figure that out for himself. While Chris isn’t exactly good at leaving things alone, Sebastian knows he only meddles because he cares so much. 

“Just thinking about what all of _this_ means,” Sebastian says with a sigh, gesturing a hand aimlessly above the mug of putrid tea resting on his lap. He catches the way Chris’ eyes narrow, anxious to finally get a glimpse as to what’s on Seb’s mind. 

“This? Meaning the accident?” Chris asks seeking clarification but not wanting to seem too pushy. He’d be lying to say he wasn’t growing increasingly worried at the way Sebastian’s been quieter, more irritable even, than usual. Chris chalked it up to the fact that Seb is frustrated that he’s letting people down and not exactly coping well with the slower paced lifestyle of recovery.

“Yeah, that’s part of it,” Seb starts. “But it's also made me reconsider a lot of things.”

Chris doesn’t like the way Seb’s pensive expression now holds just the slightest bit of torment, his own anxiety begins to buzz in his belly.

“What kind of things?” Chris voices his question, but it doesn’t ease the knot forming in his stomach, worried he’s not going to like the answer. 

“Just all the bullshit.” Sebastian grits, sounding bitter. His words hold more emotion than Chris has seen from Sebastian since they left the hospital and that does absolutely nothing to calm his nerves. 

“We’ve been so fucking careful. Done everything we can to play by everyone else’s rules and for _what_?” Sebastian’s voice is strained, like he’s already spent a lifetime trying to answer his own question, only to come up empty-handed. 

Chris opens his mouth to try and offer an answer. But it’s clear the question is a rhetorical one when Sebastian continues. 

“The rumour mill is swirling from the accident,” Seb says, exasperated. “I’m pretty sure I’ve given poor Melinda a coronary.”

“You’ve talked to Melinda?” Chris asks frowning. He’d been careful to keep any speculation away from Sebastian, wanting him to focus on his health instead of scandalous headlines. He’d even gone as far as screening the calls from his husband’s publicist under the guise of limiting exposure to the harmful blue light on his phone.

“She sent me an email, asking me to call her when I’m feeling up to it. She wants to have a ‘ _strategy meeting_ ’.” Sebastian mocks the term with sharp bitterness. He almost wants to laugh, annoyed that both his personal and professional lives have become problems that need to be managed. 

Watching Sebastian’s beautiful face express such anguish is breaking Chris’ heart.

“I’m fucking _tired_ ,” Sebastian bemoans, abandoning his mug of tea on the coffee table, bringing his hands up to his face to rub his eyes with his palms.

“Hey, come on,” Chris says getting up from the armchair. He reaches out to take his husband’s hand in his. “We can talk about this later. Let’s go take a nap.”

Sebastian rises to his feet, but doesn’t take Chris’ hand. Feeling awkward at the rejection, Chris drops his arm, letting it hang limp at his side. 

“We’ve been hiding in plain sight for so long, I don’t want to do it anymore.” Sebastian confesses, his eyes glistening with unshed tears.

Chris fights the instinct to pull Seb close, his own heart fragile enough to break if he were to push him away.

“All I can think about is how scared you were,” Sebastian mumbles, his voice catching in his throat. 

“It’s okay, sweetheart. We’re okay,” Chris says pulling Sebastian into him, needing his husband in his arms as much as Sebastian needs to be held. He whispers soft shushes into Seb’s messy hair, it’s breaking his heart to see Sebastian tangled up in knots. He can feel his husband’s distraught tears soaking through his henley, the accompanying sniffles as he tries to suck in a breath.

“It’s _not_ okay,” Sebastian protests, his fists tightening in the fabric of Chris’ shirt. He looks up to find Chris’ blue eyes, hoping that they’ll work their magic and ground him like they always do. “I hate that I did this. I hate that I’m such a coward.”

“Did what?” Chris asks, trying his best to follow Seb’s train of thought. 

“What if it had been worse?” Sebastian blubbers, his eyes are full of pain and panic as if he’s living in an alternate reality. “What if it had been life or death? What if it had been _you?”_

Chris is working fast to piece Seb’s rambles together and he realizes that Sebastian is consumed with more guilt than he ever could’ve imagined.

“It’s not your fault,” Chris soothes. “We made the decision not to go public together. You have to stop blaming yourself, Sebastian.” He pulls him back against his chest and his husband comes willingly, burrowing himself in Chris’ strong hold.

They rock back and forth until Chris is able to feel Sebastian’s stilted breaths start to even out.

“I think we should do it,” Sebastian whispers, mumbling the words in the crook of Chris’ neck. “No more hiding, no more lies.”

Chris lazily runs his fingers through the fine hair at the nape of Seb’s neck, his husband’s body immediately begins to relax against him at the gesture, soft puffs of breath warming his skin. 

“We can do whatever you want, sweetheart. All I need is you, doesn’t matter to me who else knows, or what they think about it.”

“Yeah?” Sebastian tilts his head back to look Chris in the eye, trying to see if he can spot any untruth in his words but he doesn’t find it.

“I’d be lying if I said it’s going to be easy,” Chris admits. “But it’ll be worth it, knowing that nothing is standing between us. I want to love you out in the open, Sebastian. All the fame and notoriety is worthless if I don’t have you at my side.”

Chris’ words are everything Sebastian needs to hear yet already knows, because he feels the same way. Keeping their relationship to themselves isn’t working anymore and the accident was the proof they needed to see it. 

Sebastian cups his hands on either side of Chris’ face, wondering how he ever got so lucky to have this beautiful man love him so deeply. He holds Chris’ gaze with his own, an understanding lingering between them now that they’ve made this life-altering decision but the logistics can wait. With his face still tear-streaked and snot-nosed, Sebastian closes the negligible distance pressing their mouths together.

The kiss is one of reassurance and comfort. All of the emotions Sebastian’s been trying to contain come pouring out of him and it doesn’t take long before their tongues are tangling, causing Sebastian’s body to heat at the way Chris’ lips move over his own. When they break apart to catch their breath, Chris tenderly ghosts a hand along Seb’s cheek and he can tell Chris has something on his mind.

“Say it,” Sebastian urges. “Whatever it is, I want to know.”

Chris tries to bite back a playful smile, making Sebastian even more curious.

“You know sweetheart, if we do this, we’re never going to get out of Mackie throwing us that joint-bachelor party.”

A genuine laugh erupts from Sebastian for what seems like the first time in forever and Chris’ heart bursts with joy at the sound. 

“You can still change your mind,” Chris banters with a smile, leaning into to nip another kiss on Seb’s bottom lip.

“Mmmm,” Sebastian can’t help but moan at the delightful way Chris’ beard scratches his skin. “I think I can handle one evening of Mackie’s antics in exchange for a lifetime with you. But I’m going to need some more kisses just to be sure.”

Chris lets out a belly laugh of his own, bringing his thumbs up to swipe away any evidence of the tears that are out of place next to the beautiful smile on his husband’s face. Chris leans in close, peppering a trail of delicate kisses along the column of Seb’s neck. When he feels Sebastian melt back into him again, in a breathy whisper full of promise he murmurs, “Alright sweetheart, I’ll see what I can do.”


End file.
